All my fics and parody scripts collected handily in one place! Everything here is 100% Gen, fics are listed more or less in chronological order according to series timeline. Characters and settings are the property of their respective creators and owners. Fanfic wouldn't be nearly so much fun if I got paid to write it.

( Stargate: SG-1 )
( Supernatural )
( Narnia )

Tags: administrativa, my fanfic, parody scripts, stargate, supernatural

Dear Baby,

Allow me to introduce you to a substance known as "adrenaline." It is something that happens when Mommy goes to the bathroom in the early hours of the morning and then opens the bathroom door to see a dark hallway with a LOOMING BEDHEADED FIGURE standing right in front of her. It really doesn't help all that much when the looming threat turns out to be married to her, and just waiting for his turn at the bathroom, because by then she is WIDE AWAKE.

Aaand it appears that adrenaline gives you the hiccups. We may need to work on that, since I don't think that'll fly during a zombie invasion.

Please go back to sleep, there's a dear.

Love,

Mommy

Tags: baby!, mr. bill

I LIKE COFFEE AGAIN!!!

Tags: yay i'm preggers yay

Recent events in Soupy's life prompted a discussion over the weekend of the various stages of a dating relationship. I found this fairly illuminating, since Mr. Bill and I sort of fell sideways into dating and even, to a certain degree, being engaged. It seems there are several steps that we kind of skipped over on our way to being married. I of course needed to give him a hard time about this, this morning.

ME: Apparently, when you are dating a girl you're supposed to ask at some point if she'll be your girlfriend. I didn't know this was a rule, but I feel a little gypped now that I know.

BILL: What, I never asked you to be my girlfriend?

ME: Nope. The first time I heard the word "girlfriend" applied to myself was when you were introducing me to a classmate of yours who had just asked if I was your sister.

BILL: Oh. I thought maybe we had a big long talk about it, or something.

ME: I don't remember having any talk at all, actually.

BILL: Huh. Well. Will you be my girlfriend?

ME: OKAY!

Tags: mr. bill, random interludes, wuv

A lot of people have asked for belly pics, and I keep forgetting to take them. This one's not spectacular--I have red-eye from the flash and am making an annoyed face at Mr. Bill--but it fulfills the purpose of a belly pic, which is to show off the belly. I'll have to try and get a better one to use on Facebook where I'm actually smiling.

( snip! )

Tags: baby!, photo posts, yay i'm preggers yay

If, like me, you have done all your laundry-folding while watching TV in a dim room for the past three years? And if, also like me, you happen to have a husband who is, shall we say, less than particular about the state of his attire? You may want to brace yourself the first time you fold laundry in the clear light of day. The state of his t-shirts and socks is not going to be pretty. Apparently my assumption that Mr. Bill would either buy himself new things or ask me to buy them for him when his old ones became too hole-ridden and manky-looking was just so much naive optimism. *facepalm*

Tags: i am a domestic goddess, mr. bill

I'm now 28 weeks pregnant which, according to my book, means that I'm officially in the third and final trimester. \o/

( Random update-y type info for those who are interested )

In related news, I'm having a really hard time keeping up with the old friendslist just now because sitting in an office chair at a desk has become supremely odious to me (and especially to my back). Some days I get to everything, but other days I barely have a chance to see anything. So if I miss something you want me to see for any reason, do feel free to comment and let me know, I really don't want to miss it.

Tags: baby!, yay i'm preggers yay

Dear subconcious:

You can stop dreaming about drinking coffee, now, I get it: we miss coffee. Please refer to the stomach and its lingering issues with various random foods and drinks for why we haven't had any since January. Also to the olfactory sense, since I think this is half their fault for being so out of whack that nothing smells right. And stop making coffee so delicious in dreamspace when you know that the minute I get a cup of real coffee in real life I'll turn green. You're killing me.

Thank you,

Me

Tags: dreams

I assembled the Cheese Obliterator correctly, in one try, all by myself! *is so proud*

Tags: food

Nothing especially ground-breaking to report, I just got an e-mail with some pictures from Mr. Bill and they included a self-portrait. I thought you guys should know that my husband is really, really cute.

( *musses his hair* )

That is all, carry on about your business.

Tags: mr. bill, photo posts

Y'know, it's been over two weeks since I last set foot in the Shiny Office.

I think it's about time the Receptionist Nightmares went away, don't you?

Dear subconscious:

Please put that material away in the box where you keep the waitress and records research dreams. You may now commence having nightmares about the endless process of pruning the book collection so that it will fit into the space now allotted.

Thanks,

Me

Tags: dreams

ME: *dials phone*

BILL: Hello?

ME: DID YOU KNOW!!??

BILL: What?

ME: Today's our anniversary!

BILL: That's right, happy anniversary! Wanna know what my fortune cookie said today at lunch?

ME: What?

BILL: "A zesty partner will help you get ahead."

ME: *snicker*

BILL: IN BED!

ME: *more snickering*

BILL: You heard it here first: you are zesty!

(This is why people are always surprised to find out how long we've been married: we are still twelve years old EXTREMELY MATURE.)

Tags: mr. bill, random interludes, wuv

Nine years ago today, Mr. Bill and I got married!

I think it was the hottest day of 2000. I wore my mom's dress, which she made for her wedding. We got married in the church where Mr. Bill's parents tied the knot. We played the Medal Ceremony/Main Theme from Star Wars as our recessional. The pixies (ages eight and six) had to have their hair artfully curled before performing their duties as flower girls because they'd tried to give themselves haircuts the night before. The cake had a layer of fresh strawberries in the middle, which I dug out with my fork and ate before the rest of my slice. Mr. Bill gave me a piggy-back ride for the camera. My brother complained about having to wear a tuxedo and my sister got into a tooth-and-nail wrestling match with one of her best friends over the bouquet. Our friends silly-stringed my car, filled it with pink packing peanuts, and put a "Just Married" banner of Han Solo kissing Princess Leia on the back. I got hugged by about a million people I didn't know, most of whom were related to my new husband in some way.

It was a pretty good day, the wretched heat notwithstanding. Mr. Bill and I had dinner at Ruby's when it was all over (hot dog, hamburger, basket of fries , giant chocolate-and-peanut-butter shake). Then we crawled into bed and slept for fourteen hours straight. Getting married is nice but exhausting. Being married has been just as nice if not nicer, but less tiring, which is something I appreciate a great deal.

Happy anniversary, Mr. Bill! To you I say "WUV"!

Tags: mr. bill, wuv

Happiness is getting voicemails from sarcasticval giving you up-to-the-minute updates on her reading of Wuthering Heights.

Tags: val

In the rush to get things out of boxes and into shelves/closets/whatever, our books mostly ended up in a fairly haphazard arrangement that pays no respect to either author's name or genre. Thus it is that Lovecraft is currently sharing shelfspace with Nancy Drew, and this made me wonder what a story combining the two would sound like.

The titian-haired sleuth smoothed the shirt of her new green traveling suit as she scanned the pasture.

"But look! There were seventeen cows there yesterday and only fifteen today!"

"That's our Nancy," exclaimed boyish, black-haired George. "Never misses a thing!" She squinted in the gray New England sunlight at the herd.

"But what could two missing cows have to do with the drums and wailing that we heard near the standing-stones last night?" asked Bess, brushing a blond curl out of her plump face.

"I don't know, but it can't all be unrelated to the unspeakable stench coming from the ravine and the earthquake early this morning," replied Nancy.

And then Yog-Sothoth would manifest and Nancy and the girls would be driven to madness by the mere sight of him, but I have no idea how you'd convey that in plucky-girl-detective prose. Perhaps this warrants further study. I'd been meaning to re-read some of my remaining Nancy collection, anyway. And I've got to read At the Mountains of Madness because Guillermo Del Toro is making a movie of it, last I heard. *ponders*

Tags: lovecraft

ME: I think I'm going to to finally go register for baby stuff this week. Do you want to have some input on what kind of stroller we get and that kind of thing?

BILL: No, that's okay. Just get what you want.

ME: You sure? You'll be using all this stuff, too, you know.

BILL: *shrug* Do I get to register for power tools, like with the bridal registry?

ME: Nnnnno.

BILL: So yeah, just get what you want.

Tags: mr. bill, random interludes

So you guys wanna know what's awesome? Sleeping until a reasonable hour of the morning instead of getting up at a quarter to six is awesome. Also, packing a lunch for the husband, something I haven't had time to do in the morning for years.

The plan of alternating work with little ten-minute lie-downs seems to be working quite well, as I haven't gotten sick so far, today. I made sandwiches for the father-in-law and myself for lunch and unpacked boxes into our new rooms and cleaned things and listened to Simon & Garfunkel on Chibbles the Cheeky iPod. It has been a great day for Empire thus far.

In baby-related news, His Fourthness continues to kick the crap out of me at regular intervals. Mr. Bill was putting his ear to my stomach last night (he says he can hear the baby move around...I can neither confirm nor deny that this is possible, since I can't exactly try it myself) and saying something like "Stop making your mother sick, you are a brat," and the baby kicked him in the face. I may have kind of laughed my ass off a little bit.

Tags: baby!, mr. bill, yay i'm preggers yay

We are finally moving out of our original room at the Ancestral Abode and betaking ourselves to a pair of rooms upstairs that are not absurdly tiny. Because we have lived in our little room for three years, and because both of our cats spend the majority of their time in it, the cat hair buildup revealed by moving the furniture is much worse than anyone could have predicted.

BILL: *to his cat* HOW do you shed so much?

CAT: *yawns*

BILL: My floor is covered in cat hair! My bed is covered in cat hair! My clothes are covered in cat hair!

ME: *sneezes*

BILL: My wife is inhaling cat hair! My baby is going to be born covered in cat hair!

CAT: *gazes at him indulgently, probably wondering when he is going to start rubbing her belly*

BILL: You are a plague! We're going to contract some rare disease from all your hair!

CAT: *yawns again and exposes belly to better advantage*

BILL: I don't think she feels sorry at all.

ME: No, I don't think she does.

Tags: ancestral abode, felines, mr. bill, random interludes

LAST WEEK OF WORK OMG YAAAAAY!!!!!!11

*collapses*

Um...I'm ready for it to be quitting time on Friday, now.

Why is it still 10:00 on Monday?

Tags: shiny office, yay i'm preggers yay

Pregnancy and the attendant sleep-deprivation continue to do really interesting things to my brain. This morning, I saw that one of the conference room tables needed to be cleaned, went to the cupboard, got the cleaner and a paper towel, went back to the conference room, and was baffled to discover that the table was completely clean. I was at a loss for the few minutes it took me to realize that I had gone into the wrong conference room the second time. Just for the record, it looks nothing like the one with the table that needed to be cleaned, and is in a completely different place, so how I got them mixed up I don't know.

On the upside, I had another of my recurring "lost in an unfamiliar place" dreams last night, but instead of panicking like I usually do, I took out my new cell phone (which I love so much that it apparently even bears dreaming about) and resignedly texted Mr. Bill saying "Lost. No idea where I am. Some big school, or something. Please come get me." Then I sat down and sighed and waited for him to figure out some way to find me, which he eventually did. So yay for my subconcious finally getting tired of that old chestnut, I guess. I'm impressed with dream!Mr. Bill for finding me despite my complete lack of clue as to where to look. Maybe he did the cell phone lojack thing.

Tags: dreams, yay i'm preggers yay